Friday, October 29, 2010

Elevator Small Talk Cont.

Get in the elevator and as the door starts to close, stick out your hand so that it opens and ask the empty doorway, "Well aren't you going up also? Jeezus I swear, you wouldn't ever get anywhere without me!" and then continue a random conversation with a non-existent person.

Answer all questions in a very LOUD VOICE....people will never ask you another question.

After someone attempts to make small talk, or better yet, while they are initiating it, offer them a breath mint

Ask the question, "Have you ever thought about how many pounds of fertilizer it would take to bring this building down?"

Get in and randomly bust out a Michael Jackson crotch grab complete with pelvis thrust while pointing to the sky with the other hand and letting out your best Michael "WOOO-HOO"

Get in with a pissed off look on your face, pull out a pair of tight leather gloves, put them on and start punching fist into open palm....all the while muttering "YOU EYEBALLIN ME???"

Ask the fellow riders, "IF you were OJ, looking back on it, how could you have done the crime and gotten away with it? My bitch...I...I mean I was just wondering."

just make the frmpf noise every time you take a step.

Act as though you are a robot complete with sounds and robotic movements.

When you get into the elevator, stand directly in front on the person, facing them, with your back to the door, put on a pair of sunglasses, and clasp your hands in front of you and act like a statue.

Ask, "how much did you have to drink this morning? my God it smells like a bar in here."

Just start chuckling, then laughing, slap your knee laughing, stop and turn to face the fellow riders and just stop.

Get in, and ask, "Have you ever gotten in your car and forgot that your kid was in their car seat on the roof? I think this is going to be a long week."

Ask, have you seen a 6 year old running around in the building? If you do can you call me at...give them a false extension...better yet, ask them if they have seen a baby in a blue car seat with a red handle...if they do have them call the extension.

Ask "Why did we stop getting the white out you could sniff and get a buzz from? My days have gone to shit since."

After they make some lame remark come back with a completely random animal question....
-Who would win in a fight, a gorilla or an ostrich?
-What's the difference between an alligator and crocodile?
-Who would win a Panda or a Grizzley?
-Is it wrong if your wife calls your dick her little koalla bear?
-Who would win in a foot race, an alpacca or a zebra?
-What is the physiological difference between a zebra and a mustang?
-Why did ford decide to produce a car and name it after a wild horse?
-How much does a mountain lion weigh?
-If you could make a mythical creature, what would it be??? Mine's the liger.
-What animal has the biggest dick?
-What truly is the difference between the African and European Swallow?


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